i feel like I've been stabbed a million times all at the same place. my heart, in and out again and again. i finally found out something that i have a hunch on all along. that you have something going on with Adeline. countless of times we've argued over her, i knew there was some conspiracy that i didn't know about. why didn't she back away from you since she already knew you were attached. and now we've broken up. and you're about to get together with her. why haven't i foresee this coming. honestly i think i did. but i didn't want to tell myself that it would actually happen. now that its really happening, what can i do about it? get her number? stab her? tell her to fuck off? beg her to let me in? nothing. there's nothing i can do. THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO CHRISTINE. he's done. i never thought you'd be able to move on so fast. I'm still stuck here where you left me. all torn apart. i still love you, miss you, think of you, crave you, want to do everything and anything for you. but no, its gone, you're gone. and i don't think you'd ever be coming back, and i don't think god would ever bestowed me another chance. it wasn't the perfect relationship, but it was something i haven't felt before, so real maybe its surreal.i love you, and i can say that to a thousand people and it may never feel the same.and i can make love to a thousand people and i will never have the same true feeling as I've had with you. i didn't need a perfect relationship. because you made me a better person. i need you. life has never been the same without you Shaun. not one bit. and i still do, i feel sore, still very sore at this moment of time. i wouldn't say i can't live without you because you haven't been here for the past 4 months, and I'm still here breathing. but what keeps me going, is knowing that you are alive, you're prolly living well and that little hope within me. if you're gonna ask me, how is it gonna be like if we get back, well i have all the answers. is if you'd believe in me and the faith i believe in. but i don't think you'd see anything. well its okay, i don't know how i will go on, but just so you know. i'll always be here.

i love you always,

nights like these, i drive home in the pouring rain, i drive pass the residence i used to call my second home. i vividly remembered how you would always send me back in the pouring rain. how you would always send me videos of the pouring rain while you're on the way back. then it dawned on me, its been almost 3 months, my love for you still remains the same. it hasn't faded. i still get butterflies, even till now. yes we have stopped talking, but when you say bye, just hearing your voice gives me butterflies and the warmth i used to feel like when i can call you mine. i miss you shaun, oh so dearly. and i wished you knew. i wasn't perfect, neither did i have a perfect past. but with whatever i could offer, i had so much of love for you.

life without you never been the same and its a awfully hard habit to break not having you around.

you don't know, but i pray for you every night to have enough sleep. its sad how you're such a sleep deprived child because of the nature of your career. i pray for you to have plentiful of clients so you'd have enough every month to cover your expensive petrol bills cause you have a habit of going to JB every weekend and speed to work, ref your engine just because you like hearing the turbo boost sound.i pray that whilst your busy work schedule, you still have time to have regular meals or you'd start getting gastric because you're prone to sore throats and too much acid build up in your stomach.i pray that when you train so hard, you'd only get stronger with no injuries because injuries only hinder you from your everyday moveabouts.

and even if i forget to pray to god any one of the above, I'd never forget to pray to god to let him know that i miss you every single day.

life has never been this heart wrenching, but life goes on.

sometimes i feel really stupid of myself because i still have this hope we'd still work out someday. but deep down i know, its okay to feel stupid.

i loved you, i did and i know, this.is.love. because i would never be able to love anyone else the same way as i have loved you.

you told me, i lived life fine without you before, and i will live life fine as well after you. it seems that way, i am living life fine after you. but it doesn't feel that way.

there is nothing you can say or do to me to make me stop loving you. neither do i know how i can make it all disappear. its just there, stagnantly the same.

would do anything for you, will do everything with you. who else can?

可能 在爱里面这样算笨
可能 永远没有所谓永恒
但是我 不愿放弃这里面一点点可能
宁愿笨也不想要悔恨

i just want to know, if you treasure me.